A Shyness That Is Criminally Vulgar…

You shut your mouth
How dare you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does

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Just for the record, you can blame today’s topic on two people… Cao, and Maya Angelou.  *Giggles*

Cao, because she left me a link as a comment on one of my last blog posts, and knowing that she’s not desperate for traffic or anything weird like that, I knew she must’ve left the comment for me for a reason.  So of course, I opened the page, and what did I find?

What happens to us as we age that we allow the color to fade from us to be replaced with the monotonous tones of white and black with the melted grey tones betwixt? Why do we choose to forget? Do we grow tired of searching for the colors, quit believing they are truly ours, choosing instead to take what is easy to find? Do we grow too tired to constantly fight the barrage of “life grifters” who pick and pull our glorious petals off of us until all that remains is death and thorns? Oh, and sameness. Sameness with all the other black and white and gray us’s in the world. 

Talk about something smacking me in the face like being hit head-on by a train.  Oh, but it didn’t stop there.  Oh, no.  Then, I had to go to Facebook, and run into this quote from Maya Angelou.

“The idea of overcoming is always fascinating to me. It’s fascinating because few of us realize how much energy we have expended just to be here today. I don’t think we give ourselves enough credit for the overcoming.”

Because of this… voila… this topic.

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One of the things that Cao got me to really think about was actually pursuing the colors, which I find lately, that even symbolically in my own photos, I don’t do.  You might see what you consider to be ‘vibrant’ color in some of my blog photos, but one of the first things I do in my work flow to process a photo is to reduce the Saturation of the entire image by at least 40.  I purposely pull the color out.  Sure, I can add some more in later by screwing with the color balance… but it made me question why it is that I consistently do this in my photos.

I saw it in a tutorial once and I just liked the look… but WHY did I like that look?  Why was vibrant color suddenly no longer ok?  Why did I find myself gravitating towards the darker items to blog… the darker styles.  I was purely an avant garde stylist when I started in modeling… because I gravitate to the ‘strange’ in life… but who says the strange has to be black and white… boring… defined?

So, when I got the list from Kiddo Oh of her new Spring Collection and was choosing what I wanted to blog… this particular dress, Pretty Ink, came in black and in pink.  My instinct, of course, was to choose black… black and white… again.  However, on a whim, and clearly out of my mind, I chose the pink instead.  Not only does this differ from my normal lately of straying from colors for the most part… with a few exceptions… but it’s PINK.  Most who know Tivi know that she doesn’t do pink.  I am not normally a girly girl… pink is normally not my thing.

Even if I am Daddy’s babygirl, sometimes.  ❤

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Then I knew I wanted to do something a little drastically different with my photos this go-around.  Something outside my norm.  I had to stay in my comfort zone a little bit… so I layered makeup and made something funky and tribal and pretty awesome in my own opinion of looking at it… but I wanted to change up my work flow and my post-processing a little bit.

It hit me shortly after… Black and white and color… co-existing.

I’m not perfect… I will always be learning and changing and growing.  I will make mistakes… I’ve already made a lot of mistakes… but I can only hope that I grow from them and become a better person because of them.  I can’t let those mistakes beat me back down into the box I used to reside in… the safe box that a scared little Tivi used to hide in… afraid of the world, afraid to come out and be herself and embrace those colors.  Because black and white was safe.  Colors meant opinions… judgments… choices… colors meant having to be different.  I am different… but colors meant having to OWN those differences, for better or for worse.

So even if there’s still a little bit of that black and white in me… a little bit of that sameness… I’m really working on reaching towards that color again… and grabbing and embracing it for what it truly is… me, in my purest form.

I hope some day that I can truly be vibrantly colorful again.

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*~* A Shyness That Is Criminally Vulgar… *~*

Shape: MINE
Skin: Ivy Skin (no. 14; Bronze; Freckles) – RedMint
Eyes: Spectral Eyes (Field) – IKON
Hair: Shimmer (Hud 02) – Magika  *~* non-rigged mesh *~*
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Elegant) – Slink  *~* rigged mesh *~*
Nailcolor Applier: Bright Set (Summer) – Nailed It
Makeup (Shoulder/Chest/Cheeks): Obe Makeup (Pink) – Nuuna  @ Cosmetic Fair
Makeup (Nose/Left Eye Lines): Ean Makeup (Pink) – Nuuna  @ Cosmetic Fair
Makeup (Eyeshadow): Manic Shadow (Purple/Pink) – Nox  @ Cosmetic Fair
Lipstick: Witchy Lips (Lover) – Nox  @ Cosmetic Fair
Dress (Bow Top & Skirt): Pretty Ink in Pink – Dead Dollz  *~* rigged mesh *~*
Hand Bracelets: LadyOfHighGarden Hands (Silver) – Aisling  @ Secret Affair – now closed
Bracers: LadyOfHighGarden Bracers (Silver) – Aisling  @ Secret Affair – now closed
Upper Arm Bracelets: LadyOfHighGarden Shoulders (Silver) – Aisling  @ Secret Affair – now closed
Wings: Butterfly Wings (Pink) – Finesmith  *~* non-rigged mesh *~*

Poses: Pureza 1 (Photo 1); DreamLove 3 (Photo 2 & Photo 4); Pureza 5 (Photo 3)PosESioN

Location: Misty Mountain Romance

Blogging Tune: “How Soon Is Now” – Tatu

7 thoughts on “A Shyness That Is Criminally Vulgar…

  1. Really interesting blog, thanks for sharing. I sometimes think that limiting colour in an image can help the person looking to see more subtle types of elegance or beauty. (The original song is so much better tho, in my humble opinion).

  2. Daddy’s Baby-girl never ceases to amaze him. Very well written. The important thing to remember is that you will never stop growing both intellectually and spiritually. and as long as you are growing in both those aspects, the limits of what you can accomplish and achieve are in turn limitless. I have known this for a long time and im glad that you are beginning to see this as well. Can’t wait to spend time with you tonight.

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