Just tell me what to do
I’ll fall right into You
Going under, cast a spell, just say the word…
Clearly I’m defective.
Or something similar.
I sorta touched on this feeling in the last entry I posted… but I guess I’m touching on it again because I still feel that way. I’m not one of those people that goes into several situations and wonders why they don’t work out… all the time… repeatedly. I don’t pretend to be completely blameless. In fact… I’m the one that goes into those multiple situations, watches them all fall apart, and then turns around and wonders what the hell is wrong with me.
This is what I find myself doing now.
It seems that no matter how well I do or don’t know the people involved… every time I enter into a House, in any sort of capacity… that House falls apart.
The fucked up part? She’s the one that has shown a complete lack of respect for me as a person, me as supposedly her friend, and my personal emotional boundaries. All while I tiptoe around on eggshells trying to make sure that I always, constantly, afford her the respect that she never once bothered to afford me. Yes, never. Never, not once.
Someone asked me today if she even realized she was doing what she’s going. And you know… for the sake of my sanity, and for her own sake, I really hope she’s just blissfully unaware… because if she’s actually understanding what she’s doing… and still doing it…. then that says a lot about her as a person… and a lot about her values, or lack thereof. A lot of things that even after 6 years, I can admit to never seeing from her before.
When last we left the saga that was my life in Gor, I believe I was escaping my Jarl from Unknown and His Psychobitch of a Companion. I ran to the Port City of Bazi, to a former friend who was the Administrator there, and asked Him to rebrand me… because my Jarl’s brand was too painful to look at. Meanwhile, I guess the Master Admin had been a little more than drunk…. as He slipped with the branding iron and instead of putting the Port brand over my Jarl’s personal brand… He merely pressed the side of the iron into my skin and burned a deep gash over my Jarl’s personal brand, marring it, but scarring my left thigh.
From there, I was stolen by the Head Slaver of Sais, but never processed. I escaped from there ((side note: I really didn’t want to roleplay in By the Book… lol… it bores me… I like to raid.)) and ended up back in the Unknown camp as a camp bond… even if they didn’t really have many, if any, of those.
A few weeks later, I ran into a familiar face when Vydarr came to raid Unknown. Before I knew it, I was dragged off to the docks in binds and was taken to have a cap roleplay with a couple good friends of mine, one I’ve known for about 5 years, and one I’ve known for about 6. Because captive roleplays tend to only last an hour, because that’s when your camp can come rescue you… Unknown came to rescue me, and subsequently took the slave of the Woman who’d captured me. And then, when she wouldn’t put out (aka: wouldn’t voice fuck Him in Skype… yeah… don’t ask…) He decided He needed to lay down, and gave her to me to roleplay. Now, when I was at Vydarr as a captive, we’d been joking around OOCly that if I wasn’t playing my Owner as an NPC (non-playing character… aka: He doesn’t exist as someone playing Him, but He exists in theory, because there is no such thing as an unowned slave on Gor) then She would just offer me a collar and I could come to Vydarr and roleplay there.
I like ROLEPLAY… and that’s the one thing I was severely lacking during my time at Unks. Sure, they raid a lot, so I could volunteer to take a cap if I wanted to… but as for roleplay within the group… Hell, I didn’t know half the group because they were never around… and the fact that none of us actually roleplayed TOGETHER. We stood around waiting for raids or rescues. That was our life. So the idea of roleplaying amongst group members was extremely appealing. Plus, given that I am still trying to heal from everything that happened with my Jarl and Psychobitch, it was a “safe” collar. I could be Owned as a Gorean slave should be… but I was Owned by friends… there was no pressure.
When the captive’s rescue came in, I dragged her through the tunnels and out to the back dock, putting her on the boat and sailing her and sailing WITH HER. I “ran away” essentially… and was thus collared to Kota and Ost, was renamed Sapphire, and had two chain sisters: Ruby (formerly named Amethyst), and Jade.
Where her story sits currrently…. we know I’m a masochist… so I won’t go into the specifics, because I know not all of my readership are masochists.. but for the time being, Sapphire cannot speak. She should start to be able to speak softly within the next day or so… but right now, she cannot speak. And as such, it’s made for some interesting rp when I’ve been taken captive. In fact, I almost got killed by Ghosts. They wanted to kill me because OOCly, they were mad that my rescue didn’t come in before they had to go rescue Theirs from our camp… lol. But the reason they were trying to use ICly (after the “you attacked a Free” didn’t work, because I was defending my home), is that my Captor was telling me Sapphire was technically “useless” because she couldn’t communicate any of her skills to Him, and He couldn’t use (yes, that kind of ‘use’) her throat.
My journey in Gor has been an interesting one, since my return.
I hope to have many more amusing stories for you all in the future. ❤
*~* You’re the Glitter in the Darkness of My World… *~*
Skin: Artemis (Asia; 04) – Glam Affair @ Collabor88
Eyes: Promise Eyes (Apex) – IKON
Hair: Harmony w/ Optional Forehead Braid (Hud 02) – Magika @ Collabor88
Hands: Avatar Enhancement Hands (Casual) – Slink
Feet (not shown): Avatar Enhancement Feet (High) – Slink
Nailcolor (hands & feet): Dark Set – Nailed It
Undereye Liner: Lyre Makeup (White) – Nuuna
Right Eye Scar: Scar Eye (Light; Right) – Soedara
Split Lip Wound: Hurt Me! Split Lip – Sincerely Yours
Neck/Chest Bruises: Strangled Throat – Fallen Doll
Torso Bruises: Bruised Torso – Overt – no longer exists
Teeth: Open Mouth Pro – PXL Creations (USING PIERCING EXPANSION)
Bodysuit: Manna Body (Black) – Pure Poison @ We ❤ RP
Rope Harness: Uni Rope Harness Common (White) – Haste @ FGC
Arm/Leg Straps: Manna Armor (Black) – Pure Poison @ We ❤ RP
Nosechain: Moondchild Nosechain (White) – Enfant Terrible @ FGC
Collar: Lian (Blue Steel; Semi-Rare) – A Master’s Eye @ FGC
Slingshot: BlackCrow Slingshot – LR Weapons
Rings: Sadhana Rings Sets A&B – Aisling @ FGC
Butterflies: Moondchild Animated Butterfly – Enfant Terrible @ FGC
Moon Staff: Moondchild Staff (White; ULTRA RARE) – Enfant Terrible @ FGC
White/Silver Weapon Staff: Staff of Damascus (Lunar) – EZ Weaponry/The Forge
Thigh brand: custom work by Ais Ink
Poses: various from Posesive Art II set – PosESioN
Location: Dance Gardens of Gor
Blogging Tune: “Boom Clap” – Charli XCX (from The Fault in Our Stars)